trauma, recovery and creativity

I have learned something important, i think, in the last couple of months of my life.  I experienced a healing related a traumatic loss that I had basically forgotten about -- until the healing occurred.

The traumatic episode was an interpersonal career-related one: I had a very unfortunate experience in a practicum in education in 1997, that left me believing that elementary schools were not the place for me to work, and that children  were not the age group of people I ought to be working with. 

I'll spare the details here, other than that they involved a power laden encounter with two supervisors in a rather small, dark room that left me feeling shamed and quite utterly disempowered.

Remember: shame is the experience of shrinking...

But here is the healing, occurring 10 years later.  Having spent a year at home half-time looking after my spectacularly wonderful daughters, ages 4 and 2 (entirely an objective assessment of them :), I felt renewed confidence and interest in working with little beings.  So an opportunity presents itself to work in an elementary school as a counsellor and I take it.  I meet an inspiring principal and a district counsellor who head up this inner-city school employing a community-development approach called "project hope", and a psychologically-informed approach based on attachment theory. 

I take this half-time job at this school, and experience a sense of engagement in my work more profound and clear than I can remember in a long, long time.  If I go to work feeling grumpy, I now often find my spirits lifting over the course of the day, even though I may be dealing with very challenging situations, like kids experiencing suicidal ideation, and the like.

Weird, huh!?

Friggin awesome, actually.

So this experience has revitalized my clinical focus, and sharpened my research focus in my career:  I really like working with kids and families.  And addressing trauma, including attachment related interpersonal trauma is emerging as being increasingly central to both my clinical and research work.

The take-away lesson: we ought not to underestimate the significance of traumatic experiences on our lives: these experiences can push our lives off-course.  At the same time, given that the universe seems to operate according to both karma and creativity, it is never too late.  If we stay focused on our healing and development, which always includes our role in the healing and development of others, good things may happen when we least expect it.

That has been my experience.