Death of a dream?
Durwin
Death of a dream?
For a few years, part of what has got me up in the morning in terms of my career and my spiritual quest, trying to see those two things as intertwined, has been the dream of bringing together the wisdom of Ken Wilber’s AQAL theory with the depth of heart and compassion that I felt coming through in the Dalai Lama's teachings.
I had originally been focusing on Andrew Cohen's teachings as a source of inspiration, but when a friend can whose insight into character and interpersonal dynamics I trusted warned me that he didn't feel that Andrew Cohen possessed sufficient integrity as a spiritual teacher, I put Cohen’s teachings aside (for the time-being).
That same day, I came across an interview of the Dalai Lama and I was struck by his humility, his humanity, and the warmth I felt he possessed.
So I decided that I would move in the direction of the Dalai Lama's teachings as best as I could. Doing so lead me to find out about the Mind and Life Institute, a think-tank based in Boulder, Colorado. They host, every summer, research institutes for graduate students and others to learn about the interface between Buddhism and cognitive neuroscience. With letters of support from my supervisor in my faculty and, as it happened, Ken Wilber, I applied and was accepted to attend in 2005..
Over e-mail, Ken Wilber and I developed some ideas regarding the research direction that he would like to see mind and life consider, in terms of continuing earlier lines of research on the transformative effects of meditation that was completed by Charles Alexander, in particular. Some of the early meditation research apparently demonstrated that meditation practice could potentially push an individual up as much as two stages of development.
However, Mind and Life Institute has until this time not included any attention to stages of development in its research program. So the plan Ken and I had, tentatively, was to explore whether or not we might be able to get stages of development on the research agenda of Mind and Life.
Well, it hasn't worked. I am disappointed, depressed, and angry about it. It just seems at this time that no one at Mind and Life Institute is interested in taking a serious look at AQAL. Paraphrasing the words of Joan Halifax, who I greatly admire, but who does not share my views about the relevance of AQAL for the mission of Mind and Life Institute, “Mind and Life and Integral Institute are just doing two different things”.
I feel sad about this state of affairs, and do not know what to do next, except that acknowledging my thoughts and feelings about this seems important. And because I feel these two institutions and the people involved with them represent spiritual, philosophical and scientific leadership at the highest levels that I know of, I felt it important to share this story publicly.
If you have any thoughts about next steps I might take, please let me know. I’m open to any and all suggestions from the good folks of Zaadz!
Access: Public
andrew cohen
February 2008
There is a higher level of leadership in the domains of spirituality, philosophy and science. That is you.
It's wonderful that you are able to actually work on ideas, communicate spontaneously, with Ken Wilber, and other wonderful teachers, philosophers and spiritual leaders that you mentioned. [Oh yeah, did I forget to say they don't have to be perfect?]
Don't look to anybody else, any organization, any validation, any agenda other than your own to do the grunt work of bringing your truth into the world. Have you heard of the concept of “liminality”? It's from anthropologist Victor Turner. A “limin” (Latin) is like a door threshold. A liminal situation consists of all the various possibilities that exist before reality is actually enacted. (Like, you give your friend a birthday present wrapped in a box. Culturally, your friend would open it, see what it is, find something nice to say about it, then thank you for it. But, your friend could also pee on the box, set it on fire, throw it into the air, give it back to you with a $100 bill attached, etc. etc. an infinity of liminal possibilities. (Think liminality and comedy.) YOU are in a liminal position as a student. You could turn out any old way. That's why your dissertation project is so important, right?
The way you succeed at this is to take complete responsibility for creating what you wish to create. It's gotta come from inside you. Only then will YOU be the one stepping through the door. The process of becoming a Ph.D. is difficult like this on purpose. You aren't learning to move mountains, you are learning to BE a mountain!
Thank you so much for sharing this story; I hear a lot of sadness and frustration in it, and I'm sorry that you've run up against such difficulty. It must be hard to feel so close to such an opportunity, only to have it fade like that.
Would you mind saying a little more about your comment here: ”Some of the early meditation research apparently demonstrated that meditation practice could potentially push an individual up as much as two stages of development.” What sort of development are you talking about? I'm curious.
Well, we are back to our discussion of development again! I ought to look up the exact research, since Ken has quoted it so many times! My memory is that the research showed something like two stages of development on Loevinger's scale of ego development.
We have good theory predicting why meditation practice might help do this (disidentification), but not good empirical evidence. And, it is hard to get the empirical evidence when developmental studies have been effectively marginalized.
Thanks for your comment.
I'm an emotional person, tendency to be dramatic at times, in case you haven't noticed :)
Well, certainly the Mind and Life Instittute need not embrace Wilber's Integral theory in order to investigate ego development. (I'm familiar with Loevinger's stages and it would make sense to me that meditation would enhance the process.) Perhaps you could propose something like that as an inroad to generating an interest in developmental models?
your title “death of a dream?” is possibly telling. when i hear “death”, i also hear crossroads, change, and and possibly transformation…
durwin, you've been pulled between your respect and allegiance for these two institutions for a long time. what i am wondering is this: what does each mean to you? what aspects of you does each represent? why might you be needing to bring them together? is this possibly represenative of some aspects of you that you are trying to reconcile (or should be looking at)? the reason i ask is that this is all so deeply personal for you. there are more things here than just career dreams/aspirations here…
i concur with what Martha said: “Don't look to anybody else, any organization, any validation, any agenda other than your own to do the grunt work of bringing your truth into the world. […]” how did her words resonate with you?
Thanks Joanna and Siona
yes, there is probably some personal aspects here…difficult to separate the “personal” and “political” – they do need to be differentiated…but they are also connected, no?
Siona – help me understand what you are saying when you say “perhaps I could propose something like that as an inroad to generating an interest in developmental models” – something like what exactly? Please clarify I am just not entirely understanding you here…
Mind and Life does look at development, but not in terms of interior development of structures of consciousness – they look at development from a neuroscientific point of view which is more confined to the link between brain and behavior.
My interest is both/and –
And yes, there is probably some shadow in here somewhere for me, thanks joanna, which i guess is why i remain so interested in the topic of shadow
there are lots of politics in academia, and it has been challenging to deal with them; i have an unconventional perspective, and sometimes people don't want to know…
well, there are probably many things entwined here, durwin, which is why these topics are so important to you. i agree with you that the personal is often the political, but it is also important to know which is which so you can keep checks on things. now shadow might definitely complicate things even further……. martha's initial reply hinted at this too. getting to know and own some of that will help your relationship with and need from each of these institutions. if you find you are “banging your head on the door”, so to speak, there is probably an open door/window somewhere else (possibly near by). back to what siona said: she is offering this possible window…how else can you negotiate this situation with M&L and IT?